Well the answer to it, I don't want to justify myself, but yeah; this long so called break from my blog, was because August started off with my college kick starting. New year, different classroom, but the old classmates. It was not just about these sweet changes. Tests, exams, higher aims, priorities kept me busy all through these past three to four months. Out of all, hardest was the month of September. It took me a lot of time to actually get in sink with all what happened.
I don't miss you
because when I watch the rain
they fall from the seventh heaven
in a voice which is yours
I don't miss you
because when I look across the golden sky
the horizons shine
with a light of yours
I don't miss you
because when I sit alone
where the darkness fences me
what engulfs me is your arms
I don't miss you
because when I'm broken inside
with tears in my eyes
what rolls down my cheeks is your finger
I don't miss you
because when I walk by
under the bright sunlight
what embraces me is your shadow
I don't miss you
because when I lie slaked
under the night sky
I find that the brightest star is you
because when I watch the rain
they fall from the seventh heavenin a voice which is yours
I don't miss you
because when I look across the golden sky
the horizons shine
with a light of yours
I don't miss you
because when I sit alone
where the darkness fences me
what engulfs me is your arms
I don't miss you
because when I'm broken inside
with tears in my eyes
what rolls down my cheeks is your finger
I don't miss you
because when I walk by
under the bright sunlight
what embraces me is your shadow
I don't miss you
because when I lie slaked
under the night sky
I find that the brightest star is you
What do you do when your expectations are shattered ? In some cases not even expectations but promises which people around you , made to you , when you did not even ask for them.
Promises are very powerful things, and its very rightly said never make one when angry or too happy.
When something is promised to you/assured to you , your brain starts creating impulses in it , creating new neural circuits and blah blah , in short you start THINKING about that particular thing , Thinking is getting indulged and getting indulged is getting emotionally attached , and there's where the problems begin.
Imagine you have been promised something , and after a long time , the promise is turned down..
.
You have adequate questions to ask , to contradict , bring down their point of view etc BUT YOU DON'T ! because a sadness takes over , an emotional aura surrounds you , you are heartbroken .
If you are an aggressive person , there's an urge to weigh the person against you with questions in high tones , if you are emotional - you cry . and MOST IMPORTANTLY even if you are strong , you shatter.
After this stage there are two things that can happen , either you loose a part of your love for that person
OR , you stay positive and strong and let the emotional aura surrounding you go.
IN BOTH THE CASES,
There creates a broken stair your in relationship staircase.
No matter how many times you pass the staircase , you have to skip that step, ignore those memories , ignore those situation , not let them overcome you. But if in any case you are not strong enough to skip the step . you'll get stuck , or you'll FALL, getting injured , emotionally.
I have something to say to both , the promise maker and the one to who is promised.
To the promise maker- My friend i know circumstances have been harsh or somethings made you act so , but if you've made a promise just before plainly saying no , TRY TO FULFILL IT!
There's no harm in trying , at-least you tried! The one you promised to will understand that you tried , and is the best explanation you can give to yourself!
Because , once a promise is broken --> A Broken stair is created and you now know its consequences.
To the one who was promised : It's okay friend , life is not always as you expect it to be . If the person is constantly breaking promises , things will be tough , and you'll have to get tougher , believe me it seems and feels hard in the beginning , but as you grow you'll love yourselves to be able to handle such situations .
but if not and its occasional flush those memories , try indulging in some hobby for the time span , music is the food to our souls - use it. Always most importantly , remember one thing in your future relationship - ALWAYS SKIP THAT BROKEN STAIR .
रहिमन धागा प्रेम का, मत तोड़ो चटकाय।
टूटे से फिर ना जुड़े, जुड़े गाँठपरि जाय॥Meaning : Rahim says, don’t allow the delicate thread of love between people to snap. If it breaks once, it cannot be mended, even if you mend it there will be a knot in it, which means there will always be some awkwardness in the relationship.
Have a good day ahead , loads of love, happiness and healing energies to you :)
It was raining buckets and I was sitting in my rocking chair
right next to the window pane and I could feel the light breeze bringing along
soft pelts. As I looked outside, I was thrilled to see a few kids dancing and
chirping around carelessly in the rain. For a moment, I considered joining them
(I really did!) but it seemed to be a bad idea because you know that time when
you no longer are a kid. I realised how I had left back those carefree days in
my life and am headed to some path where everything just matters too much. The
rain kids had no obligations hanging around and people won’t burden them with
their decisions.
Sometimes I feel so pissed off when I come across this lot
of mean people who bug me with their opinions and force me to follow their idea
about a certain decision I were to make. I will contradict, when our beliefs
don’t match. I think that’s my right, but that’s what these people can’t take.
When you complain or resist, that’s when these people bring in force. And I
personally hate that situation of being forced on something. I don’t know if I
am venting it all on this sheet of paper but all I know is it’s the worst
feeling to be compelled to be doing something or some sort of decision being imposed
on you. Honestly, it is more like, frustration, anger and helplessness all
flush in at the same time. You just wish to run away and be like those carefree
kids in the rain. I really don’t want people burdening me with a baggage I don’t
wish to carry. And let’s just not call it caring, If you’re doing this to your
loved ones. Trust me, it’s more like strangling or suffocating someone. You won’t
like that happening to you in the name of care.
If there’s one wish I want all people around me to grant, it
would definitely be ‘let me breathe the air under my own sky’. I can very well
make decisions for myself independently. I am an adult, capable of choosing the
right stuff for me and I don’t think there’s a reason, why people don’t have to
trust my abilities to do justice to myself. At least I would love to be
responsible for my regrets and all the wrong paths I’ve chosen for myself, for
my failure and also for my achievements.
It started off really boring that day, with the political
science class followed by the second language lecture, subjects I used to hate
as a kid and I remember how much happy I was on not having to study those
subjects ever again in the last two years of high school. In the lunch time, I
was just trying to get myself a good book from the Scholastic book fair racks
and my eyes just stuck on this really catchy offbeat orange book. Somehow the
cover seemed so appealing, I was drawn to this book. I don’t know why I have
this crazy love for the color orange, it just seems to be the most phenomenal
shade of all. As soon as I started scrutinizing (well, sort of), a man in his
low, beguiling voice addressed me “so you seem to be liking this book?”
This man turned out to be the author of this wonderful
orange book. We talked for a while, and I through his words could very well
make out, this man was an atheist when it comes to love. It was quite strange
though, a writer in his thirties, who owns profound ideologies about everything,
does not believe in love. I tried to convince him over this stiff opinion of
him and got to know eventually that he lost faith in love after his wife
betrayed him about two years back. Left alone to deal with a heart break, he
almost lost everything because of this biting experience. Writing somehow gave
him the reason to start life afresh, but the betrayal had left a permanent
crack in his heart.
After a few days the same author, Mr James, shifted in my
neighborhood. It was saddening how he lived his life alone, by himself. I
wrote an article and in fact succeeded in persuading him through it to give
love another chance. About an year later, he found his soulmate in this
beautiful young writer from North Carolina, Ms. Alisia. They were absolutely happy
with each other, lovelorn, the couple shared an amazing chemistry.
It had almost been three months since they married. I saw Mr
James, completely tensed, almost in tears as he hurried past the staircase. On
asking what the matter was, he said “ I and Alisia had an argument, and seems
like I lost her. She left the house, without saying a word, didn’t even take
her cell along”. I asked him to calm down and not to worry as she would
definitely return. It had been over three days and Alisia was nowhere to be
found. It was crazy how she could leave on this rough note, fights are just too
common between couples. Mr. James was left heart-broken all over again.
I went to the city hospital today as one of my friend’s
mother had to undergo an operation out there. I erroneously entered another
ward just adjacent to the one I had to visit and to my surprise, I found
Alisia, lying on the ward bed unconscious. She had been there since the past
four days, out of her senses following a major accident. I could now see it all
clear, Alisia met with an accident after she left the house and that is why she
did not return back home. I instantly phoned up Mr James and told him about it
all. He reached the hospital immediately. On seeing Alisia, he was in tears and
hugged her unaware body, promising that he won’t ever let her down. We sat on
the hospital bench with a hope that she would gain her consciousness soon.
Expecting something which is never really gonna happen is
idiotic and equally ludicrous if you can’t help but disappoint yourself with
that. It is like working up a bubble of deception which you already know has no
future and is gonna burst in a while.
But when there’s something you put your heart and soul in
and it apparently seems to be shaping well, and just out of the blue it starts
to drown, right there and you wish to dive in but you don’t see no light.
Life often grabs you by the neck and drops you somewhere you
never really imagined yourself in, standing in the middle of this shit-bed
saying “what the fuck life?”. You know what’s happened to you and if you think
you are caught up, tricked down and trapped, alone, you are wrong. Every damn
person in this earth is carrying this real big baggage of their own pains and discontent.
It is implausibly easy to see yourself as an unfortunate victim and been put to
a situation where you weren’t even a tad bit responsible. You could react this
way, blind folding yourself to reality. A way to boost up the self….agreed, but
in a way turning your back to the truth, not exposing yourself to the harsh
reality and evidently not preparing yourself for worse.
Get back up and beat it strong I’d say, own up the loss and
deal with it. Shit happens to the best of us and how it affects us is where the
difference lies. Obviously it’s heart breaking and sometimes it shatters you
but holding on to it forever, we never do that really. At some point we move on,
and, realising that and moving on from that loss early, is intelligence.
Forgetting what happened makes us more prone to facing it again, so it’s better
we hang up with the pain and take along the experience, which will keep
reminding us what it takes to be in that situation and why you don’t want it to
happen again. If it is something you screwed up, it’s better to own up to it
and learn a lesson for life.
We never really realise how much we’ve thanked our stars in
the past for something which was then happening to us. There is a reason why
you are dealing with this shit now, which will lead you to something in the
future. Where you’ll land in a few years from now, requires you to be going
through this shit in the present. I believe whatever happens, happens for good.
Be resilient enough to bounce back in reality and tear off all veils which you
use to deceive yourself.
PS: this seems to be the first optimistic post on this blog
xD
Do you like the same old books you used to read when you
were kids, or do you have the same music taste you used to have a decade ago or
do you have the same routine you used to follow back when you were in school or
are you the same human you were, years back? You might just realise how much
you have changed over the years. My music love was more of Taylor Swift and
Christina Perri some five years back and now there’s more of Drake and
Coldplay. Over the years as you shift places not all of your friends stick
around, you lose many on the go and you make new ones. You have a more profound
thinking and you are a little less baffled about your principles and your
future.
All the more, change seems beautiful and without change life
seems to be irksome. Dead ideas need to fall off just like withered leaves. Talking
about it, have you always liked a change? I have not, truly. It’s not always
like altering your room’s quirky orange wallpaper or modifying your old T-shirt
by cutting out a neck detailing. World’s beyond all groovy stuff.
A lot of people want me to change because they want me to
develop into someone better, not because they do not accept me as I am but
because they want me to adorn my personality. That is so sweet of them to love
me beyond limits as to want the best of me to show up. But then I just believe
in individuality, everyone has a varied sense of choices. What seems perfect
according to you might just seem to be a bad idea to me. Traits have a similar
story. When I’ll want a change, in my opinions, my nature, I’ll change. It’s only
when I find a change appealing enough to be a part of me, will I own it. Don't ever force to change someone from being what they have chosen for their selves.
If an egg be broken by an outside force, life ends. If an
inside force cracks it up, life begins. Great things always spark off from
within. A change seems beautiful only when you own the tag of bringing it about
uncoerced.
PS: To those who want a change in you because they want you
to fit in according to their wants, you better say ‘fuck off’ because such
people shouldn’t hold a place in your lives. What’s important is you be
comfortable in your skin and fuck the world. The universe is too big to give a
damn.
Okay, so I am in this phase where
getting hurt just comes in as an ordinary thing for me. And it’s not about me feeling
fucked up due to some random person, I guess It’s always the people whom you
consider close to your heart, end up leaving those stubborn scars.
Since midnight I was stuck up
thinking about this post on which I was tagged on Instagram which was in every way
defiant of my thoughts regarding that issue. I was tagged on this post, clearly
meant I was to get my thoughts to change, at least that’s what the person who
tagged me wanted.
So, I am this kind of person who’ll
brood over such random things where my opinions differ, gather up all my
thoughts on that matter and challenge the opposing opinion. I did that, quite
the same way I always do. I confronted him, naturally opposed him, expressing my
views. To mention, this person is very close to me, and possesses this ego which
is larger than his heart. Undoubtedly there was a fight, which turned worse
when we skipped to issues that no longer did matter. Clearly, ended up hurt,
bruised.
Which leads me to overthink again.
Do I nurture relationships under seriousness more than is required or am I just
too sensitive? These bruises over time lead to scars, the stubborn ones never
really get off. You just keep hurting yourself every time you fall over on the
same scars. And these scars dig deep under your skin.
PS: when this person mentioned
above comes to loving , there are no bounds to his love <3
Vacations bring along ease in every chore to be done. Why not? After all there's no hastiness, not much of hustle. For me summers have always been cuuhhrazzyyyy. Morning sunshine, breezy evenings, a different energy all through. Skies hold up and sunshine heat strains through the windows, across the fields, beams of daylight brewing past the beaches. My birthday too happens to fall in summer (at least here in India) , another reason to mention.
Whether its the endless gazes through the panes looking at some random person or even the greenery, engaging myself into links and clutches of thoughts leading to more thoughts or scanning through the photographs old and new.
This year's summer though is a little bit different. Some distances, some weakened attachments, someone's being missed hard. Though everyday this guy somehow manages to bring a smile on my face and that fills me with a hope that things are going to get better and all fine in a matter of just a few days. And I believe him, after these vacations when we meet the bond is going to be stronger than ever and the wind is going to blow crazier than ever.
I just wish summers next time would be as lively as they always are. Sometimes someone's absence just changes the way things used to be ordinarily, but then its okay because the longings are going to end soon, and the union is going to be sweeter than ever.
Ever wondered how things would have changed had you taken that step forward and saved those bridges which are now burnt? And is it too late really? Maybe its just too awkward now. Of course it does not require some sort of courage and it's definitely not your ego that stops you. Then what do you do of the stuff which was unsaid and the smiles which were left incomplete and the memories which are now bitter-sweet?
Maybe you feel now you are long forgotten and won't make a difference to that person. And that someone whom you shared a special bond with, once, might just would have found a better space. Even though those times still hold a distinct fragrance in your head and you know that fragrance will last forever but that uncertain "maybe" just holds you back.
 |
| Unsent letters. |
You know memories will be endless, but some memories are just etched with this special attachment.
I tried scribbling those rough ends on a piece of paper but then its still with me, unsent, because again...maybe...? Would you someday break the ice?